A reason I hate

One of the things that hate most about myself is my lethargic nature.

I am not sure if this should be one of the things that I hate most about myself or not. I always try to keep in mind the fact that we tend to hate ourselves for all the wrong reasons. And I also try to keep in mind the fact that this is the time of year when I tend to hate myself most and appropriately discount my feelings with that fact in mind.

Still, it often seems to me that life would be so much better if I could make myself work for myself. There is so many things that I would like to make myself do. But my track record on making myself do them is very poor.

I can make myself work hard enough for other people. But if I am left to my own devices, I tend to retreat into myself and stay there. And nothing I can say to myself about the desirability of accomplishing things in the real world has any effect.

To be sure, I start doing things. But it is always a race between the desire to complete what I started and the feeling that it is all pointless. The feeling that it is all pointless almost always wins.

I suppose I should thank God for other people then. For without them, I would never do anything useful. But I have a hard time feeling very grateful.

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