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Tempted

Lately I have been having it pounded into me that I am not a very good tradesman. I wish I did not have to be reminded of this so often, but it is unavoidable when my job title calls for me to actually be a tradesman. All things considered, I should be grateful this does not happen more often.

Only I am not. Sometimes I think it would be better if it was widely known how much I suck so that I wouldn’t have to feel like I was living some kind of lie. But really I know I would hate it if everyone found out before I got a different job title that didn’t say that I was a tradesman. Nobody wants to be known as the guy who cannot do his job.

I have complained about this often enough that you’re all probably sick of it. But right now it is feeding into the winter doldrums and other things that are making me unhappy to raise the “I got to get out of this title” feeling to a fevered pitch.

And this is bad, because plausible opportunities for getting out of Dodge have been coming thick and fast. Or at least it seems that way.

Actually, there have only been two opportunities. One was a no-job-security job supervising a bad crew in a place that I don’t ever want to be regardless of the circumstances. Another is the equivalent of going back to kindergarten just so I will feel competent.

And I guess that is what’s scaring me. I want out so bad right about now that really bad ideas almost seem like good ones. I am afraid that if given a bad choice that is not so obviously bad, I would take it even though I know better.

‘The grass is greener someplace else’ is one of those stupid lies that we tell ourselves all the time. For all my griping, I don’t have it bad at all. I need to keep that in mind and ride through this. I don’t want to make any decisions with my emotions.

But it does not help that I feel like that shortly all doors are going to slam shut and I will be trapped in this situation.

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