Flying Towards The Sun

Today I sort of wished that somebody would tell me no. There is a part of me that feels like my inner Icarus is getting out of hand and needs to be slapped down. But that sort of wish was hidden away in a deep dark part of me that I try to always keep hidden. Every other part of me was straining to convince everyone that the answer should be yes.

The boss of my boss’s boss asked me, “How far am I sticking my neck out with this?”

The proverb flashed through my mind “Victory has many fathers, but defeat is an orphan.” Only in this case I am pretty sure that if this fails, defeat will be recognized as my child.

These misgivings did not stop me from telling the big boss that the project was basically risk free. In so far as his neck is concerned, that is the truth as best as I can see it.

Even if the project gets approved, the funds are not going to come out of the big boss’s budget. Officially speaking, the project is the brain child of a group of engineers whose job is to constantly monitor energy costs and come up with ways of cutting them. A special pool of money is set aside fund the projects that the engineers identify as having the proper payback.

Moreover, everything about this project can be easily and painlessly reversed if it does not work out. So in theory, the only ones whose neck is on the line are the engineers who recommended the project.

But if this was true, the engineer sitting beside me would not have been silent as I answered all the questions about the project.

He did not really have any other option but to be silent. He understands next to nothing about what I am trying to do. His only real contribution was to calculate the theoretical savings based on information that I provided. And he did the calculations multiple times in order to make the numbers come out the way that I needed them to come out.

For better or worse, this project is all about me.

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