I realized
My job in the shipping department at Acme is to monitor the flow of product to customer and raise alarms when problems arise or there is potential for improvement.
I actually spend my time at Acme compensating for the problems that have already happened, for water that has flowed under the bridge and now must be scooped up in a bucket and carried upstream. To extend the metaphor, I have one problem which is pretty much the hole in the dam that is letting the water out. In my first month on the job I did what is in the scope of my job, to wit, identifying the problem and proposing a solution.
The necessary authority to execute such a solution is not mine, so in the several weeks since I have made my proposal I have basically run back and forth with buckets full of water.
I put something like 56 hours of overtime in two weeks trying to reign in the problem as best I could. February arrived, the person who has the authority to make changes was finally hired, and I realized that I could not be the “change agent” that the Lean books talk about, the one who comes in at a time of crisis and forces everyone to reform their self-destructive ways.
And I realized that if I could not make the change, and if nobody made the change, then my job from now on will be to run the water back upstream. To constantly nip at the buds of the problem, and leave the root alone, is such a futile destiny. It reminded me of nightmares I used to have. As a little boy I had a recurrent dream of walking alone in a store down the aisles, and some very large and ominous monster walked down the aisles looking for me. I never knew quite where he was. I knew he would find me if I stayed still, but I also might run into him around any corner.
The other dream I had a few times involved climbing high into a tree and falling out. I fell in terror toward the ground, closing my eyes at the last minute. I had a sensation of impact, and then bounced back into the air higher than before. And fell again, still terrified. And bounced.
I have had other dreams in my life that upset me, but I have decided that those are just “bad dreams,” to be forgotten on waking. A nightmare is some unpleasantness that you cannot escape, that you are doomed to repeat.
This week I am a little more optimistic about our chances for filling in that hole in the dam, a little at least. But I have glimpsed the life of so many people who hate their jobs. At Acme, a number of people have told me to leave while I’m young.