Sheets of paper roll from the twin laser printers, Pick and Pack, reams of papers at a time. If left unattended over night, the paper can overflow the output tray and scatter into the room–well, on the Pack printer. The Pick printer can hardly ever get through a load of paper without jamming. During the day this produces a plaintive beep from the printer, a sigh from an office drone, and then the clatter and snap of a printer being disembowled.

If you pick up the paper when its fresh, your fingers get dry and tingly from the hot, electrically charged paper. The electric charge is not noticeable until you try to straighten the papers. The amount of static cling between sheets makes it impossible to square off the stack. (But one can try every time.)

The papers must be inspected and paired off. Pick sheets are organized by inventory location, and specifying all the possible locations for the inventory takes up more space than simply itemizing the order on the pack sheet, so there are frequently more pick sheets than pack sheets. But sometimes only a small part of an order is being picked, while the whole order has to be itemized on the pack sheet, so sometimes there are more pack sheets than pick sheets. Orders of a certain priority, or to certain customers, need to be highlighted. Orders that will be picked from different places need to be placed in different bins.

Once you have the papers paired, they are fed to the Beast.

The electric stapler sits crouched on the table. Its shell is a tough polycarbonate, some sturdy reinforced plastic with no give to it, no admission of weakness, no acknowledgement of pressure. Tucked between a jutting brow and chin of impervious plastic is a glittering metal jaw. Like a good predator, it does not spring when its prey is first in range; it waits until there is no possibility of escape.

And then it strikes–again and again and again!

Whh-chnk, whh-chnk, whh-chnk!

Oh yes, sometimes even three staples is not enough to satisfy this raging mongrel. Once sheets of papers are between its teeth, it simply cannot restrain itself from biting down spasmodically, convulsively. Beating it about the brains leaves no impression.

What really sets off this monster is trying to remove the paper. Pulling back on the paper causes the staple to catch on the inside of the jaw, which triggers the biting reflex. It can get very ugly if you startle and try to pull the paper away too quickly.

Remember, when facing a predator, stay calm. Even if you get bit, do not scream and run away, as this only excites the hunting instinct.

Beware the Swingline.